Sunday, April 12, 2015

Humans and Computers Don't Compute Together

It’s only a few more days, that is all that has been on my mind, and everything else that comes along with being gone. I am constantly haunted by the phrase “Out of sight, out of mind.” All my life; I remember the first time I came to encounter those words, it was an episode of the animated series of Beetlejuice.  The cartoon, of course, took it to a different level thanks to its over abundance in the pun play, but still. That phrase…makes me shutter. In the cartoon Lydia and Beetlejuice had a fight causing Lydia to walk away from Bj and his antics of which, according to him, he can’t help and makes him who he is. This separation causes Bj to go into such a depression that he pulls her inside his head, because he cannot get her out of his thoughts because he loves her so much. In the cartoon he had to say the phrase to get her out of his head and back into life. Cute, however when I hear it elsewhere, it is not a pun nor is it something sweet and innocent. People say it with such gloom that it absolutely crushes me. I think that sometimes, I am the only person who is unable to feel this compilation of words as fully as everyone else. I find that it’s some of the most apathetically powerful words in existence. What a way to ruin a person’s day.

I would like to take it to the lesser extremes. Yes, an item. I forgot to give someone their Tupperware back even after I washed it and told myself to bring it to work if in case he comes in. “Nick, you should put it with your bag so you see it and don’t forget it.” I’ll stare at the item for 5 minutes thinking, knowing, and playing it all in my head with what will happen. I then tell myself; “Yes, I won’t forget it. I’ll dry it later, my god, I am exhausted.”  Outta Sight, Outta Mind; That’s a mild way of using that saying, the simple things in life that don’t matter to you, when not in your line of vision won’t linger around your thoughts. Now, when adding a living being person to that; ouch. That’s not to say that I haven’t forgotten about someone because, let me reassure you, I forget a name and a face, only when I don’t interact with them enough making them barely a background character in my life. But I could never forget someone so important in my life and that’s where the cliché gets to me. People say things like this, and it terrifies me when they say it about people that matter so much in my life, with that I hear myself say it when someone becomes important to me. Please, don’t forget about me. Please, keep me. Please, love me forever.  Don’t ever stop, because I cannot. But I would suppose that almost sounds too desperate. One can’t tell another person that without scaring the living hell out of them.

Another thing to note, the idiom expresses the total opposite of who I am, and any other individual like myself. Which I believe is one of the reasons why it frightens me so much. It displays the concept of an emotionless life form. Think computers; I cannot equate myself to a machine for I am not. Another phrase, which I have heard rides a similar line as “Out of sight, out of mind”, and one that I personally love, because it cancels out the lack of humanity in that phrase is: “Computers can wreak a nice peach” or in other words: “Computers can recognize speech.” Please, don’t equate yourself to a computer, you are not a machine.  

 I don’t know what I mean to people, I would like to know, the answers that could pop up concern me though. I imagine no one thinks of me unless they need something that they know I could assist them with, because I will bend over backwards for people. I don’t know why, I can’t even say that it’s only for people I like, because I have been known to prop up those who have hurt me. I do know there are cases where individuals that I have come in contact with have begged others to bring me back to them. I have even had people borderline stalk me. I wouldn’t call it obsession; I am unable to think of anything that could make a person obsess over me, those individuals though, I can safely say are not the kind of people a person should really be interacting with. Perhaps it’s something else? I haven’t the slightest idea, and I want to, so badly. I worry about being a disappointment. I worry about failure. I worry about coming back to nothing. I worry about simply being in the way. I want to stop being obsessed over the anxiety of this trip. Just don’t forget about me, keep me and love me.  Don’t listen to that idiom. Remember me.  I feel like I’m rambling because I’m feeling nervous about things I have to do. I had a good day today, I wanted to be selfish and have it last forever. I want to have more good days like that, I’d love even better days! I hope when I get back they’ll be even better! I also hope…he doesn’t love Cheetos more than he loves me…

There are good expressions out there, there have been plenty in my life I have had to say to myself over and over. Just as there are good words. I have to remind myself;
-What other people think of me is none of my business.
- But sometimes your light attracts moths, and your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space and energy.
-Don’t judge a book by its cover.
-You’re still going to be criticized, so you may as well do as you please.
-If you can’t beat them, dress better than them.
-Man is least himself when he talks in his own person, give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.

-It’s showtime.

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